Why I'm glad I'm not in Canada right now.

Despite my present situation in Taiwan I would like to state, for the record, that I couldn't be happier that I am not in Canada right now. No, it isn't because of the huge storms suffered by Southern Alberta. It's because the House of Commons just legalized same sex marriages. Now, I'm not saying I'm against same sex marriages. I'm not saying I'm for them. I couldn't give two squirts of piss either way in fact. Do what you want, but do me one favor. Please keep it out of my face. Every website I go to is full of news about same sex marriages. Blogs are full of people for and against this new law. As I sit here in Taiwan blissfully ignorant of the Western situation I can only be thankful that I don't have to sit around dinner tables, coffee shops, living rooms, pubs and other places of social gathering and listen to the person beside me tell me what they think about this new law. So all of you out there who are not in parliament and didn't have a direct influence on this new piece of legislature I ask you to do one thing:


SHUT UP

thank you

Pain, Parasites, Police

I guess it's time that I stop filling these pages with little blurbs that just tell you what kind of person that I am. I think that everyone who reads this blog already has an opinion formed in their mind about me, be it good or bad. It's time to get back to the old school of writing about what the heck is going on in my life.

About two or three weeks ago I started to get this dull pressure in my lower right abdomen. Right where my thigh meets my torso. I didn't think too much of it since the pain was intermitent and not keeping me from my daily routine. But then one Saturday the dull irregular throb became a constant pressure in the area. It became uncomfortable. So, I decided to go to the hospital on Tuesday and have it checked out.

Louise and I went to the hospital and Louise had mentioned to the doctor that I had had a hernia repair before. It was when I was 15 so I didn't think that it was a problem with that one, but maybe a new one. The doctor checked me for a hernia. It was negative. He then started telling Louise that he was going to give me medicine. I became confused. I asked if he knew what I had. He wasn't sure. Louise said that he wanted to give me muscle relaxants. I turned to the doctor and told him that I didn't want medicine if he wasn't sure what I had. I wanted him to do tests and figure it out and then give me some medicine. But he just talked to Louise and told her that maybe I could see a new doc.

So, I did.

Doc number two was at a small clinic on a very small side road in downtown Chung Li. He was recommended to me by a friend. I was going to go see the doctor on Friday afternoon, but Thursday night the pain was so intense that I had to cancel my class. So I went to see the doc right away. From the get-go I liked this guy better. He did routine checks, but he also did a thorough sonogram of my abdomen. Those things are kind of funny, because he would stop in places and freeze the image and tell me that I was looking at my spleen, or appendix, or some other part. To me it all looked the same. A black and white blur.

The sonogram produced no conclusive answers. He then asked for blood and urine and sent me on my way with some Tylenol and stomach settlers. I returned on Sunday morning to discover *gasp* that I may have a parasite living in my intestines. That's right kiddies! I may have worms. I was shocked. So I gave the doc a stool sample and waited a few more days for the test results.

Negative. No parasites. That's good. Also the pain has receded. That's good. But, I don't know what caused it. That's bad.

_______________________________________

I also had a run-in with Johnny Law last Sunday.

I was driving to Adrian's to watch a movie and then the F1 race. It was 11:45pm. I was driving on a deserted road and came to a red light. It is such a lame intersection. Every other light I could see was blinking red and amber. But this one was red. The distance to the other side of the intersection is 10 feet. I looked in the direction of opposing traffic and saw no one coming, so I ran the light. You might think I'm crazy but you have to understand that in Taiwan I don't think I can recall one time that I have been at a red light where someone hasn't ran the light. It's about as common here as a Led Zeppelin song being played on CJ92.

Immediately after pulling through the aforementioned red the police man stepped out from behind the parked car ahead on my right. DAMN IT!! But what was I to do, I knew I broke the law.

I pulled over and killed my engine. The policeman said something in Chinese. I knew he wanted my license, but I pretended to be an ignorant foreigner who can't speak any Chinese. Sometimes the police won't want to deal with translation difficulties and they will simply let you go on your way.

Unfortunately for yours truly this cop spoke English. He asked me for my driver's license. I handed it over. He inspected the expiry date like a forensics expert and walked around my scooter. He then asked me if I understood the traffic signal. I answered honestly:

- Yeah, It was red I know. But every day in Taiwan I see people go through red lights and police sit there and do nothing. Plus, it's almost midnight on Sunday so I thought that it was no big deal. But, I did go through the red light, so you can give me a ticket.

He asked me for my registration card. I handed it over. He took the card and compared the information. Everything matched up except the names. My license has my Chinese name. My registration has my English name. He turned to ask if I understand Chinese.

- No. Sorry.

He went over to talk to his partner. They chatted for a while then he returned with partner in tow. He indicated with his hand the ticket book resting in his partner's hand. Do you know what this is? He asked.

- Yes sir. You write down my information and I take it to the post office and pay my fine.

The partner and the cop keep talking. I almost slipped up and asked in Chinese if they was a problem. But I caught myself. I explained to the officers that if they write Chinese it's ok. I can have a friend translate and it's not a big deal.

But then partner says that he can't write English. I just sit there. They talk a little longer and I hear him say it again:

- Wo bu huei shie Ying Wen Tz.

He walked over to me, handed me my documents and told me to go. Go quickly. I said thank you very much and got the hell outta dodge.

The funniest thing is that all of this transpired across the road from the video store I had wanted to get to. And to get to it I had to drive across a double yellow divider line. The police let that one slide.

Borrowed from Andrea via Bubba via Dave Via Kyle

What is the geekiest part of your music collection?
This is actually a tough question. I could be a music snob and claim that all the music I listen to is great, but I guess I have to own up to owning the "Baby, One More Time" Maxi-Single by Britney Spears

what do you eat when you raid the fridge late at night?
Pickles

what is your secret guaranteed weeping movie?
Life Is Beautiful, or Iron Giant

do you have a completely irrational fear?
Clowns

what is the little physical habit that gives away your insecure moments?
My eyes widen

do you have too many love interests?
Nope

do you know anyone famous?
Yes siree bob. Preston Manning.

describe your bed...
Queen Sized soft mattress on a faux mahogany frame with head board that has storage

who would play you in a movie?
Jack Black, or Jason Alexander

what do you carry with you at all times?
MD Player, cell phone

are you happy with your given name?
Too common. In High School my social studies class had 6 mikes. But otherwise it suits me

how much money would it take to get you to give up the Internet for one year?
1,000,000

if you could only fulfill one of your fantasies, which would it be?
Uma Thurman

what was the last song you were listening to?
Let Me Ride by Dr. Dre

have you ever been in love?
Yes

do you talk a lot?
I don't think so.

do you consider yourself to be a nice person?
Of course

favorite fabric?
Velvet

something you love AND hate?
Taiwan

what's the one language you want to learn?
Russian

what do you order at a bar?
Strongbow, or a White Russian

what's one trait you hate in a person?
The inability to see the humor in their own short comings

what was your most frivolous purchase?
My mini-disc player. If I'd waited 6 months I would have seen the better reasons to buy an MP3 player.

do you consider yourself materialistic?
Fifty-fifty

what do you cook the best?
In Canada, steak. In Taiwan, Chicken Salad

what kind of books do you like to read?
Fiction about the gritty side of life. A customer once came into Indigo and said it best: I want a book that isn't about any of that sissy little girly shit. I want a good book. I like The hard edge writers like Chuck Palahniuk, Irvine Welsh, Jim Munroe

if you won the lottery, what would you do?
Walk out of my classes and never look back. Pack up my house. Fly to Canada. Buy a small shop space in downtown Calgary. Open a music store.

burial or cremation?
Cremation

what's one thing you're a loser at?
Basketball

how many drinks before you're tipsy?
Aboot 4. But it depends on who's pouring. If I pour, two.

do you think you're cute?
Yup

Am I a dullard?

Finally a good Batman movie!!

Went to see Batman Begins last night and I was not disappointed. Although, I did go in with very very small expectations. After Joel Schumacher's butchering of the Dark Knight it was refreshing to see a director like Christopher Nolan take the franchise in a new artistic direction.

Having said that I do have some questions.

It has been stated that this film is a break from the previous franchise. It is a restart. That would explain some inaccuracies between this film and the previous 4. As I watched I was confused a few times over what the real facts were. Guess I'll have to go back to the original comics to get the facts straight.

My second and larger question is (and Dave maybe you could answer this) Does Hollywood assume we're idiots? I mean seriously. Are we, the movie going public, challenged in some way that we don't know about? Take, for example, Mission: Impossible II. Mission: Impossible was such a complex string of plots and subplots that many people didn't like it and said that it was too confusing. So, for the sequel they made a movie with no twists turns or bumps, because, I guess we are just THAT stupid.

There are plenty of examples in Hollywood history where we are reminded again, and again, AND again of a key point of object. Take, for example, any High School comedy. Student A will tell his friends about how important it is that he not forget his: wallet, bag, book, card, keys because if he does he will never: get the girl, get the job, get the grade, get the car, blah blah blah. Then as Student A leaves his home we see his: wallet, bag, book, card, keys on the kitchen table. The camera will slowly pan down, shift focus, and zoom in on the oh-so-important object and will remain there for a beat or two. WHY???!!! Are there honestly some people who would not see it? Are they so blind that they need to have the object rubber in their face? Bah, it makes me sick.

My one big complaint about Batman was the constant reminder of an all important fact. There was a subtle hint at the beginning of the movie. And then puzzle pieces were put into place slowly and surely. Then once all the puzzle pieces were fitted together, I was then treated to a barrage of reminders of what the puzzle looked like. The first reminder was tolerable. The second was humorous. The third was laughable. The fourth annoying. The fifth insulting. The final one just plain too far!!

Watch for yourself and see them drive the point home, over and over and over and over and over

I will be herre

9_26_05

psst - it's a link {clicky clicky}

I feel like I am a hand in the darkness
Feeling to find balance and support
But I don't know where it is
And my hand keeps closing on nothing

Tedium

I have been working on my music page. I've only finished #,a,b and c. Take a look. But you need a fast connection or you will go crazy. The link can be found in my sidebar.

The Magic Number

3 names I go by:
Mike, Mikey, Barney

3 screen names I've had:
Parabolicant, Fontenroy, Fat Mike

3 physical things I like about myself:
Eyes, Elbows, Smile

3 parts of my heritage:
French, Canadian, ?

3 things I am wearing right now:
Glasses, Shorts, Puzzled look to determine if my beard counts

3 favorite bands/musical artists:
Nine Inch Nails, NOFX, The Chemical Brothers

3 favorite songs:
Something I Can Never Have, Franco Un-American, Alive & Alone

3 things I want in a relationship:
Humor, Understanding, Excitement

3 physical things about the preferred sex that appeal to me:
Neck, Butt, Eyes

3 favorite hobbies:
Listening to music, Reading, Photography

3 Things I want to do badly right now:
Sleep, Relax, Cheer up

3 things that scare me:
Cockroaches, Clowns, Dying alone

3 of my everyday essentials:
Music, Tenderness, Laughter

3 Careers you have considered or are considering:
Teaching, Nursing, Music Store Owner

3 places you want to go on vacation:
Russia, Egypt, South Africa

3 kids' names you like:
Caleb, Lucitana, Samantha

3 things you want to do before you die:
See Audioslave in concert, Affect someone's life in a major and positive way, See the sunrise over a snow capped mountain

3 ways I am stereotypically a boy:
Sometimes I just don't get women, I still crane my neck to look at a beautiful girl, I think girls can never tell I'm taking a quick peek

3 ways I am stereotypically a girl:
I'm emotional, I don't like baseball, I think I'm too fat

3 celeb crushes:
Uma Thurman, Cameron Diaz, Jessica Biel

A test

This is for everyone who reads my blog. Please do the following test. What I would like you to do is add a comment to this post. Just before you begin the test take note of the time. Write your name.
Mike
Write down the numbers one to five.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Then think of 5 hobbies or interests.
1. Photography
2. Music
3. Movies
4. Travel
5. Driving around on my scooter
Then, take note of the time again and write down how many minutes it took you to think of these five activities. Be honest!
1.5mins.

Once I have a fair amount of comments I will tell you the purpose of the test.