"Start me up a new revolution, This one is a lie . . . "
Hey there buddy!
Do you know what the hardest thing about going away is? Honestly? I thought I did. I thought I could handle it. I thought I was strong. I'm a man, I don't cry, I don't show emotions, I don't let people know how I feel. Right?
BULLSHIT!
You try saying goodbye to one of your best freinds and see how hard it is to hold them for what could be the last time in a long time. It ain't so easy! People keep telling me not to worry. I'll be back n a year. Yeah, well tell that to the part of me that knows that nothing will be the same in 2002. People will be gone, streets will change. HELL, I'll be a different person. I guarantee it.
How will I define myself when I get back?
How will you react to the new me?
How will I get used to how things are?
OK, so maybe I'm being a little drastic, maybe nothing will change and I'll still be the joking, laughing fool that I am now with the positive attitude. I certainly hope not. Honestly. If I go away for a year I hope to come back a different person. I am sure you would be dissapointed if I didn't.
I don't know what to expect over there. I would be a liar if I said I wasn't scared. I am scared out of my fucking mind right now. You may ask what I expect to happen when I get there. I figure I'll step off of the plane with all of my preconcieved notions and I will be no vaselined by what is actually out there. Seriously. I mean I have never really been off of North America (Hawaii doesn't count) and I have never been on my own (except when house sitting) and so what else should I expect except an utter ass kicking by asian culture?
This has to be the turning point in my journey. Tonight was one of the last nights that I will have had the chance to be with everyone that I love and consider dear to me. From now on it's just preparing to leave and getting ready to face the unexpected. I guess that I should have some great philosophy about what is about to happen to me. But the only thing I can think of is Green Day's Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life). For once my years of bullshitting through deep stated English Theses and such is not helping and I cannot come up with more than: "So Take the best of the test and don't ask why . . . " But really what is this other than an obstacle in my life that I HAVE to get over. If I can get to Taiwan and stay there for a year without losing grip on a self identity then I can face any shit that life may throw at me.
So I will face this test. I will leave all of my comforts and reassurances and I will learn what it is to honestly be me without the backdrop I have created for myself. I guess I should look on this as great chance to really learn who I am. I am sure that I nkow who I am, but alot of that depends on what I place around me, and by transporting myself away from that I will learn whether or not I can stand without the support that all of you have given me over the past few years.
Alright I figure that is enough ranting for one night. I should never do this when I am drunk, I always say things that I shouldn't, but fuck it who cares right?
Have a good day and I will write more later.
Hey there buddy!
Do you know what the hardest thing about going away is? Honestly? I thought I did. I thought I could handle it. I thought I was strong. I'm a man, I don't cry, I don't show emotions, I don't let people know how I feel. Right?
BULLSHIT!
You try saying goodbye to one of your best freinds and see how hard it is to hold them for what could be the last time in a long time. It ain't so easy! People keep telling me not to worry. I'll be back n a year. Yeah, well tell that to the part of me that knows that nothing will be the same in 2002. People will be gone, streets will change. HELL, I'll be a different person. I guarantee it.
How will I define myself when I get back?
How will you react to the new me?
How will I get used to how things are?
OK, so maybe I'm being a little drastic, maybe nothing will change and I'll still be the joking, laughing fool that I am now with the positive attitude. I certainly hope not. Honestly. If I go away for a year I hope to come back a different person. I am sure you would be dissapointed if I didn't.
I don't know what to expect over there. I would be a liar if I said I wasn't scared. I am scared out of my fucking mind right now. You may ask what I expect to happen when I get there. I figure I'll step off of the plane with all of my preconcieved notions and I will be no vaselined by what is actually out there. Seriously. I mean I have never really been off of North America (Hawaii doesn't count) and I have never been on my own (except when house sitting) and so what else should I expect except an utter ass kicking by asian culture?
This has to be the turning point in my journey. Tonight was one of the last nights that I will have had the chance to be with everyone that I love and consider dear to me. From now on it's just preparing to leave and getting ready to face the unexpected. I guess that I should have some great philosophy about what is about to happen to me. But the only thing I can think of is Green Day's Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life). For once my years of bullshitting through deep stated English Theses and such is not helping and I cannot come up with more than: "So Take the best of the test and don't ask why . . . " But really what is this other than an obstacle in my life that I HAVE to get over. If I can get to Taiwan and stay there for a year without losing grip on a self identity then I can face any shit that life may throw at me.
So I will face this test. I will leave all of my comforts and reassurances and I will learn what it is to honestly be me without the backdrop I have created for myself. I guess I should look on this as great chance to really learn who I am. I am sure that I nkow who I am, but alot of that depends on what I place around me, and by transporting myself away from that I will learn whether or not I can stand without the support that all of you have given me over the past few years.
Alright I figure that is enough ranting for one night. I should never do this when I am drunk, I always say things that I shouldn't, but fuck it who cares right?
Have a good day and I will write more later.
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